Dealing With Substance Abuse in The Family

I walk through the door after school, into the never-ending battle ground I call home, darkness engulfs my eyes. She’s sleeping again. Better than being awake | guess. I scavenge for food in the kitchen, I find a few crackers and some peanut butter, a month past its expiration date. I don’t care. I devour it. My brother is in his room, playing on his computer, anything he can do to escape the reality of his home he is willing to do. This leaves him on his electronics all day, drowning out the screams heard from a room away and combating the thoughts of suicide. All we want is to escape the hell, the unpredictable hell. I hear “Haleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!” from my mother’s room. Like a slave, I drag myself into her room, dreading what I will see. As soon as I enter, I see crushed pills on her TV tray, a blow torch on her bed, a burnt spoon with a white residue on it, and a syringe next to her leg. Bruises and dried blood cover her arms and legs. Her brown hair is a matted mess, and she’s wearing the same shirt she had on a week ago. She asks me to get her a glass of water, for the thousandth time. I do as she pleases to prevent confrontation. The last thing I want is to be the cause of another shouting match and game of “Who Can Throw Something the Hardest Against the Wall.” When I arrive back with the glass of water, she is slumped over on her bed. Her head awkwardly placed between her knees. “There’s no way that is comfortable” I think to myself.

I attempt to wake her up to reposition her, shaking her shoulder and leg, careful to avoid the bruises and dried blood splattered on her legs. She is unresponsive. I fear that while I was gone she shot up a little too much Morphine and overdosed. I scream “Mom!!! Wake up!!!.” My brother runs into the room, immediately starts crying when he sees the scene in front of him. “I killed her!!!” I shout to him, trying to drown out the thoughts of killing myself as well. He attempts to wake her up, shouting through his sobs. I curl up into a ball on the floor, shaking like a wet dog on a cold night. I rise, go into my room, grab the nearest pocket knife in my collection and run into the bathroom. As the knife pierces my skin I wake up from the worst dream of my life. Only to realize that the dream wasn’t entirely a dream. I really did kill my mom, not directly of course, but indirectly. I didn’t help her overcome her addiction and as a result, she overdosed at her friend’s house. People try to tell me it’s not my fault, but I know the truth.

One thing I know to be true when living in a home with a parent who has an addiction is that they feel guilty. As stated in Chapter 2 Impact of Substance Abuse on Families, “children of those with alcohol abuse disorders feel guilty and responsible.” Additionally said in Chapter 2 Impact of Substance Abuse on Families, “among the lifelong problems documented are impaired learning capacity; a propensity to develop a substance use disorder; adjustment problems, including increased rates of divorce, violence, and the need for control in relationships; and other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem” proving that substance abuse does not only affect the user, but also the children. Oftentimes, children, especially daughters of mothers who are addicts, are expected to take on the role of the mother. “The developmentally inappropriate role taken on by the child robs her of a childhood, unless there is the intervention by healthy, supportive adults” (Chapter 2 Impact of Substance Abuse on Families). As a general rule, “children who discover a parent is on drugs often focus their attention on the parent’s problem and have to grow up fast, taking on the role of the parent” (The Effects of Drug Addiction on Family Life). Overall, the effect that substance abuse has on kids is unfair and lifelong.

Despite the negative side effects of living in a home with someone who abuses drugs, there are pros and cons to it. Some pros include, helping to build a sense of independence, this is especially true in homes with parental substance abuse. The kids are forced to fend for themselves and become independent, helping them later in life when they are truly on their own. Also, living in the home of an addict prepares you for not-so-nice situations in life. When in the home of an addict it is a very diverse and hellish place, nothing is certain or guaranteed. Much like the cruel side of life. Living in this situation helps prepare them for that side of life. In life it is crucial to be able to make critical decisions when faced with a new problem. Living with an addict creates the circumstance to have to think critically to figure out problems such as how to eat that day. Now onto the cons everyone knows and loathes.

The primary and perhaps most poisonous one is it creates unnecessary stress on all parties involved, whether it be extended family or immediate family in the home, everyone is affected. Additionally, addiction in the home causes depression. The family feels helpless towards the problem because they cannot help the addict, only the addict can help themselves. Also, the family is unable to express any thoughts or emotions about the addict for fear of causing a problem in the home. The final and most drawn out problem created by addiction in the home is the need for mental help to overcome all the different side effects. When trying to combat the issue of drug addiction, “family members may attempt to become ‘the perfect person’ hoping that will make the addict/alcoholic happy and change his/her ways. It is at this time that family members may begin to feel they are ‘losing their minds,’ become absent minded, feel like failures, and need medical or mental health care” (How Alcohol and Drug Addiction Affects Family Members). However, with therapy and the proper effort, “both the addict and family members can go on to live full, happy, and productive lives” (How Does Addiction Affect the Family?).

More needs to be done to help the families of addiction and the addict themselves. Especially when an addict goes to prison and gets back out, most times they are required to go to drug treatment classes once a week for a certain period of time, then nothing. They are left to their own devices and most times, relapse. I know this from personal experience with family members and friends of the family. Only one family member has successfully beaten her addiction. The need for follow up counselling years after the offense or initial treatment is severe. The rest have either gone back into doing drugs, or selling them. There need to be more widely advertised help centers around big and small cities alike. That way, addicts and recovering addicts will be exposed to options to help themselves. I urge you to pay attention to the world around you, look for the signs and do something about it.

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