Being scared, frightened of all we probably want to do, is a barrier to setting our highest goal. For many of us, this is a state of fear, which can open us up to our highest purpose in life. Maybe we can find a job promotion, but fear prevents us from confronting our boss about raising pay. Probably avoid going to our best friend at the wedding, because we were too nervous about responding to the speech. Often, fear acts as an invisible barrier, preventing us from identifying where it is, wanting to be called the most.
According to Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit, we are talking about how all our habits, made up of three main ingredients. The cue, the work, and the reward. In the case of unhealthy food, for example, the prompt can make the appearance of boredom an experience when watching mindless television. What it does, is the behavior itself, the physical process of getting up from the sofa, into the kitchen and finding some sweet treats to snack. Finally, the reward will be temporary but immediate relief of anxiety, providing such a meal.
At some point in your life, you may have a fear of public speaking. Now, when you find yourself encountered in certain situations, where you have to speak in front of others, you experience this state of anxiety. Assuming you are to deliver a large work presentation, the fear that such a prospect fills you serves as a cue—the first phase of this malicious cycle.
This state of anxiety, the rapid heart rate, the wet palms, causes you to create several causes, some of which seem to tend to avoid the dreaded situation. You probably told yourself that you couldn’t give that big presentation to the job because you know that your colleague, who is more knowledgeable on the subject, would prefer the opportunity. Therefore they should be the ones to provide the talk. This task of finding some reason not to address your fears serves as a regular stage of the anxiety cycle.
Whenever we think of doing something that scares us, it signals an unpleasant physical symptom; the rapid heart rate, the sweaty hands, and the fluttering in our stomachs collectively label these symptoms as states of feeling anxious. When we make an excuse not to do the very thing that makes us happy, what happens? The unpleasant feelings go away. In other words, our prevention has a negative reinforcement—the act of running from a scary situation with the relief of the tension we take. In the long run, however, our fears are only heightened.
Thus, as we have seen, the anxiety cycle consists of three main stages. So how can we break this unfavorable pattern? The answer is simple, though simple does not necessarily equate to easy. The only real way to break our anxieties is to go out and do the very things which scare us.
I have talked briefly about the physical aspects of anxiety, but there are also critical cognitive elements. Most often, our greatest fears are fueled by what clinical psychologists refer to as automatic negative thoughts. These are the beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world around us, that pop into our heads automatically and, in some cases, can be unstoppable for years, the longer they cannot be restrained, the stronger these beliefs are held.
For example, for a long time, I had been petrified in hopes of trying extreme sorts. I wanted to try it, but every time I thought about actually doing it, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. This fear stems from a central belief that I hold, that I cannot do it. There is little evidence that supports this belief, but it was not overcome and, thus, served to add fuel to my anxieties about extreme sports.
We all have these beliefs; people suffering from social anxiety may perceive that they are generally dull and dislike. Another, suffering from fear of public speaking, may believe they have an unusual and embarrassing accent. Although these beliefs often lack little evidence to prove their validity, they are often overlooked and undefeated.
When we come out into the world and subject our negative beliefs to the ordeal, we are to replace such views with more believable, realistic expectations about the truth. The only way to overcome your fear of public speaking is to stand up to the public and well, speak up. It may not be brilliant, you might even say or do something embarrassing, but at the end of the day, it is not the horrible and humiliating experience you have developed to be in your mind.
The realization of your immense power and limitless possibilities will build your self-confidence and confidence.
Most of all, Be happy.
How to develop self-confidence. (2021, May 20).
Retrieved August 10, 2022 , from
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